do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
