dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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