I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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