im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
