just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
