He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
