I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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