apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
