So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
