No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
