talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
