Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
