just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I smell like Dick and happiness
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