Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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