Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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