lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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