one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
