and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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