I just saw a hot homeless man
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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