you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
