Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
