that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
