I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
