That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
