Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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