i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
