Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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