I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
