I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
