You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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