You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
