I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
