like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
