how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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