So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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