We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
