have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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