Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
