Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
