haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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