i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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