So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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