Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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