but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
