So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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