but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
