i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
