nut hugger
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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