Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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