awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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