gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
