They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
