He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
