just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
