im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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