Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
