Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
