a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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