if i can run in heels then i can drive
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He kissed a someone with a penis
This is the prime rib incident all over again
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
