Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
