I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize