Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
