remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
