party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
