im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
