I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
