i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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