I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
