Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this just has baby written all over it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
