Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
