This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
