just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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