Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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